Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid- The Proverbs
In the first half of my life, I did not like receiving negative feedback. I will admit that I was downright afraid of receiving negative feedback. I did what I could to avoid receiving negative feedback which included such behaviors as trying too hard to be right, becoming defensive, and pretending I did not care about my performance in my areas of weakness. This was a huge mistake and an area in which I am still growing. I am confident others want to grow in their ability to love negative feedback, so I wrote this article to provide help.
Ray Dalio, in his book called Principles, educates the reader about why radical transparency and radical truth are key to success in business. In his financial services firm, Bridgewater Associates, employees are stack ranked and the results are displayed publicly. Employees are also encouraged to speak their minds and to provide negative feedback to senior leaders, including the CEO. Providing honest feedback ensures that important issues do not stay hidden and helps to maintain high standards. Radical truth leads to better decisions and pushes individuals to be their best.
People who can take feedback well are people who can learn and grow quickly-Sheryl Sandberg
Sheryl Sandberg encourages negative feedback so often that her team has told her that she asks for feedback too often. Sheryl encourages negative feedback by openly sharing with her team the areas where she is working to improve. She is also willing to provide feedback to her team when it is needed. Kim Scott shares the story of when Sheryl Sandberg gave her feedback that there were too many filler words in her presentation. When Kim Scott ignored the offer to pay for a public speaking coach Sheryl said, “You know, Kim, I can tell I'm not really getting through to you. I'm going to have to be clearer here. When you say 'um' every third word, it makes you sound stupid.’’ This interaction inspired Kim Scott to write the great book on giving great feedback entitled Radical Candor.
If you are exposed to feedback frequently you get better at receiving it, according to Adam Grant and Ray Dalio. The U.S. Military practices this behavior by reviewing their post-mission performance as a team in a process they call ARR (After Action Review). Ray Dalio has trained himself to receive the pleasure signal of I can get better right after the pain signal of I did not perform up to expectations. Ray says “pain+reflection=progress”. Adam Grant believes you need to rate yourself on how well you receive feedback as well as ask your team to rate your ability to receive feedback. This reorients your focus from the pain and creates a mental game where you strive to become great at receiving feedback.
Psychologist and author Adam Grant believes the best response to negative feedback is to say thank you. I agree with Adam. You should let the person providing the feedback know you are committed to personal growth and value their ideas. Ask the person providing feedback ask to share more. Follow this request by asking “and what else” two or more times. This process helps you go several layers deep to understand the problem. Also, asking questions gives you time to get control of your emotions. Resist the urge to become defensive, make excuses, or blame someone else.